Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
