o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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