Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
