You smell like stripper and shame
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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