I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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