I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
