Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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