I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
