First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
