So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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