Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
