shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
