Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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