so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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