suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
