Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
