My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
