In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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