and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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