What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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