Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
