Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
