I feel great
I just peed on a car
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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