I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
