The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
