I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
COCAINE IS GR8
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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