please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
