Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
