We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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