1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
COCAINE IS GR8
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
