pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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