dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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