FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
