i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
