plz talk dirty to me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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