My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
