Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
