Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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