Dual....:-)
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
