Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
