My friends, they love my intelligence
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
