Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just want nice things and good sex
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
