I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
