This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
