dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
