I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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