I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
