Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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