I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
