Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
