WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I could make wine with my vomit
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
