somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
