Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
